I used to believe in second chance and I used to give people second chance but now trust me, I only got 3 people that I could trust with my whole secret. First of course Babeh and there are two besties that I could trust with everything. Pity and Understand is two different thing! Trust me when you give people second chance coz you pity them, it won't last for a long time, when you give people second chance coz you understand them, it will last longer. Being hurt more than dozen times is not fun at all and trust me, when your friend hurt you that is the most painful thing ever than getting a break up with your boyfriend. Being hurt by your friend is worst than being hurt by your enemy.

I never want to keep doing revenge and I'm trying to forgive but IT WAS NOT EASY

Leaving Sydney was harder than leaving Indo.

I finally can found a place where I feel like home, with brothers and sisters around me and the togetherness that I can't found anywhere else.

Not only because I left the church but also because I left 4108, both are the only places I wish I could freeze the time and spend it with AGC family.

Distance might separate us but you guys will always stay in my heart.

I used to be regret. I used to wonder why God let me meet someone and let me love that person so much but at the end we will be separated. When things ended up in not so good way, I will regret and kept saying I wish I never meet them, I wish I never knew them, I wish, I wish and I wish. Till one day I just realise that I shouldn't regret of something that ever happened in my life because I once want them, I once made them, I once did it. No matter how much I regret I should remember that I once want them so badly in my life. I should regret in things that I didn't do.

How can you forget someone who gave you so much memories to remember? doesn't matter happy or sad moment, it still memories. Either she or he was your ex-girlfriend, ex-boyfriend, best friend or friend no matter how long have you been together with them you will have memories between you and when they left, they'll bring everything and what's left is just memories. It doesn't matter what makes you not being a couple or a friend anymore but there's nothing can change what you had with that person before. When you stare at a picture with that person, you'll realise that the picture will stay the same and nothing is going to change but people who is inside the picture do. Doesn't matter how hard you tried, sometimes the memories will flashback in unexpected time. When I was hurt I thought it's better if I don't meet them or know them from the first time, but who would know what I'll be if they didn't came to my life, will my life be like the life I'm living now or is it going to be more worst or better? No one knows. Its pathetic when you were once friend, best friend, sister and ended up as strangers. Move on is not an easy thing to do in this case because the flashback keep on reminding me of thing that I wish to erase from my brain.

Your life story is my inspiration to face whatever struggle in front of me and stay strong till I make it.

May is here.

It's just another month passing by which is I only got 2 months left.

I'm sad to leave sydney but I had not much choice to choose in fact I got no choice.

I got pros and cons at the same time.

I need to spend the most of it for the last 2 months.

I'm surely gonna miss Shitney.

"The more you love, The less you will be love"

Do you believe that you can hear God's voice? Do you believe in God? Can you obey God when he asked you to do something?

I have decided that I'm going for good this beginning of July, it's been a month since God prophecy. The main message that He would like to tell me is about this for good thing. He said that deep inside my heart, I knew which one I should choose. It's true but I'm being double minded. In the other hand I would like to stay here, my faith will keep growing in Sydney but not in Indo but in the other hand I keep on thinking what I will not get if I stay in Sydney and yes I am tired of being double minded.

I can't even describe what am I going through right now. I can't describe how I feel about this whole stuff. Some people believe me some people don't.

I just want to obey! but why is it so hard for me? :(

4 more months to go and I'm stepping out from Sydney.

I didn't feel regret came to Sydney because Good and Bad things happened on the same time while I'm here, I have the experience being an overseas university student, experience the hard work of earning your own money, experience homesick, experience new culture, experience new church, experience suffering by myself, experience being left and being lonely, meet a lot of new friends, trying to be tough and trying to take care of myself.

I can say that I got new life here, something different from my life before.

Sydney is a good country but I just don't want to stay here, I want to be Home but I'm really sure that I'll miss Sydney soon or later.

Comparing my life between Sydney and Indo, both gave me some advantages and disadvantages but I made my choice.

Came to Sydney made me realise that "distance can't end friendship" really exist but to some people only.

Seeing and Learning how my friends live their live helps me a lot.

Each of them are different and the way they live their life are also different, they have their own uniqueness.

Learning new religion and make it part of my life is not easy, questions are inside my head, understanding, feeling it and learn it, it takes time.

Living in an apartment with people I love is one of the best thing that I will never forget, I can't imagine what my life would be without them.

I love people around me and I care for all of you. I will miss you Sydney, I will miss my memories in Sydney, I will miss people in Sydney, and I made the choice. Adios Sydney.

When we were little, we make friends with a lot of kids. Doesn't matter how they think, how they act, how they live their life and what they are going to be as they grow up. Misunderstanding, fighting, crying, shouting are just part of being in "kids friendship". Less that 24 hours then they are friends again.

As we grew up we learn how to make friends, we learn how to respect people, how to consider people's feeling , we start to learn from our mistakes, we start picking which one should be close and not close to and of course we can't run away from misunderstanding.

When we are teenagers we start using feelings (deep feelings), we learn what does it feel to fall in love, what does it feel to be broken hearted, what does it feel being betrayed by your friends, what does it feel to be left by people, what doest it feel when your friends talking bad about you behind your back and much more. We start treating life as a DRAMA.

Just count how many people you know in your life, how many of them are your friends?, how many of them are your best friends?, how many of them will stay till old?, how many of them who left?, how many of them who cares?, how many of them will remember you?.

I do have a lot of this kind of experience in my 17 years of life. Just want to remind you to choose your friend wisely. =)

"New year = brand new me"

I hope it can be applied to my life.

I am still who I am and I don't think I'm getting better or worst.

Well I supposed to be the brand new me, leave all the past and see the future.

My friend told me that I should be happy in all circumstances, well I'm trying even though its not easy like it sounds.

Another friend of mine said that before making everyone else happy, we should start from ourselves.

It was all about happiness that my friend was talking about.

Rather than thinking all the things I shouldn't think about and making myself upset.

Never cross my mind that it will work like this. You should try!

Today My Life Begins

Today My Life Begins by Bruno Mars

"I will break this chains that bind me, happiness will find me, leave the past behind me."

"A whole world is waiting, Its mine for the taking, I know I can make it."

"Life is too short to have regrets"

"All around me I can feel a change"

"Never stay the same"

This one song is stuck in my head. The lyrics really tell me something.

Him

I've been waiting for the right one from God but I couldn't say that I didn't love him.

I do love him and I do really care about him.

All the things that I seek is in him.

Oh God, if he is the right one for me let him be mine.

If he is not then give me the strength to let him go so both of us could get our best from you.
I know I might be wrong loving someone's boyfriend.
He is the only one I can't get my hearts off from.
I know we didn't work well, I know I might make a lot of mistakes.
Do second chance really exist? can I get one of them for this?
He is not the richest guy i've ever met
He is not the most good looking guy I've ever met
He is not the most sweet guy I've ever met
but he is the only one that make me forget all other guys.
None of those guys could make me feel like what I felt for him.
So God if you let me, let it be. If it's not then I will stop waiting.
Years is enough to feel the pain but if he is happy then keep it that way God

For Good

Going back for good can be a good and bad news for me at the same time.

Bad News:

• No more Antioch Gospel Church
• No more world tower
• No more Meta, Viny, Aris and Rico *saddest part ='(
• No more Josiah
• No more catching buses, trains, monorails and trams
• No more long chit chat with house mate
• No more hanging out together
• No more own salary

Good News:

• Sleeping on my own bed
• Meeting my family
• Drive my own car
• Won't get bored anymore
• All my wants and need being fulfil
• Eating home made cooks
• Driver and maids

Well oh well..

When some things began it will end up anyway.

What I'll miss the most is the chit chat time with Meta.. =(..

She is the one who taught me a lot of stuffs.

She is the one who will say things for my own good.

She is the one who give me advices.

She is the one who accompany me almost everywhere.

GAH! Thanks for everything Meta and sorry for everything too.

I wish everything I want can be granted.

If you are saying I am no longer your friend because you are no longer virgin.

Keep those words in your mind. I am not that type of friend.

No matter you are girl or boy,

no matter you are virgin or not,

no matter you are short or tall,

no matter what

as long as I am comfort being your friend and

we have a lot of common that is more than enough for me.

So keep those bullshits on your thoughts.

It's been monthsss that I haven't write anything on this blog.

Somehow I miss writing, miss expressing all the things inside my brain.

Struggle? I didn't call it as struggle but I just have a lot of stuffs on my mind.

Some things getting better. Some things getting worse.

I hope my brain and my heart could cooperate with one another to fix it.